I can’t help but be impacted when a news story has to do with teen suicides and other acts of desperation because of conflict between teens in their schools. Over the last several years we produced a video on peer mediation as part of our conflict resolution day observance, attended a conference with teen mediators, and mediated a number of  teen conflict cases.  If there is one topic that’s worthwhile repeating year in and year out it is this one – avoiding, preventing, resolving conflict amongst our teens.

Teens face significant risk of negative exposure of themselves - physical and virtual - by themselves and by others both within school and community. In too many cases adult support comes from an overtaxed and  struggling single parent or guardian. Too many are fought over or used as weapons in divorce wars. In some cases teachers in schools represent the only positive mature influence in a teens life and at times even this is less than caring.

 Social media brings “gossip” and maliciousness to new levels – with negative comments having the potential of going viral. Drugs are ever present, available, used. Sexual promiscuity is looked at as a rite of passage – of belonging.  Isolation, ostracism, and violence is an ever present danger, threat, or reality.

Teens vary in their emotional state, capacity, and temperament – however all too often they mask their emotional state from their parents or guardians.  Typically the last thing they want is to bring their issues into a public forum which can be a damaging and, tragically, sometimes fatal decision – third party involvement utilizing processes within an infrastructure can have a positive impact.

Teens need safe havens!  

Peaceful means of conflict resolution like mediation offer safety through the intercession of a trained third party along with neutrality and confidentiality. However for teens, access or even awareness about mediation and its availability or utility is lacking.  Educating teens about mediation and preparing teens capable of and disposed to become mediators has proven difficult and difficult to sustain. Peer mediation programs require dedication but are often almost totally dependent on volunteerism. Volunteerism is great however there’s always an issue with continuity in resources which results in less training and periodic updates. At best a peer mediator is going to be in a school for 3 or 4 years. Mediation models for these programs have had difficulties keeping up with the times while risks for teens continue to rise.

Let’s look at a hypothetical case. A teen, a young lady,  is single minded in her pursuit in academics but is not perceived as adequately socially minded –– she’s not one of the popular girls – in fact she’s viewed as a “nerd” in a derogatory sense – a teachers pet – too accommodating to authority. She is the subject of not only envy but outright hatred by a peer who has a strong following – strong enough to get her social group to actively “gossip” both in a person to person context as well as through social media and, at times, physically threaten the “nerd”. “Nerd” is strong enough to, at first, ignore and later fight back in her own way against the harassment until the “gossip” has gone viral she faces peers and others snicker in her presence and move away when she approaches taking a seat in the cafeteria. Some fellow students even look for confrontation with her not only in school but also at the “mall”.  Her resolve starts to break down - academics start to suffer. She reduces her participation in class. She looks like she’s not eating or sleeping enough. She starts to get testy – even nasty in her communications with others. Finally a teacher notices and voices her concerns to school authorities on a day when “nerd” has a fight with one of her tormenters. She’s asked to go home – a one bedroom apartment she shares with her single mother who works two jobs and is a recovering alcoholic. Mom comes home and hollers, berates, and even strikes her errant daughter for being sent home. Our nerds whole world turns topsy turvy. She’s on the brink of doing something totally stupid. Where would third party intercession in the form of mediation fit in??

It’s a tough challenge for schools, administrators, and teachers. “Conflict amongst students?  – We (teachers) have enough trouble keeping the peace when the teens are in our classrooms and we have to be concerned about our own safety”. There are questions of legal liability which results in defensive behavior – call security – even though it’s too late at that point. School populations differ in diversity, economic strata of students, and support from communities, parents, and guardians. School administrations differ in defining their priorities and resources.

Too little emphasis is placed on avoiding, preventing and resolving conflict by lack of resolve, commitment, systems, processes, and infrastructure. When considering factors in establishing and maintaining a conflict resolution system the following come to mind:

Assessing a schools environment vis a vis conflict is a must. Assessment comes from a review  past history and learning from it – history repeats itself – conflict history at schools is real, ascertainable, and can be part of lessons learned. Conflict should be talked about – not taboo.  Student, teacher and parent surveys can be utilized as a means of profiling a schools “conflict” environment. Facilitated focus groups can result in further illumination of a schools conflict environment. Once the current situation and history is translated into lessons learned attention should be turned to foreseeability of present and future conflict areas and moved into development of systems, processes, resources, and infrastructure for the risk areas.  If the threat is violence then it is incumbent upon a school to examine how to deal with the threat – security measures yes – but also defining appropriate intercessions to lessen tension through discussion, dialogue, not only in general but also with and between individuals or groups – identifying problems and dealing with the issues as problem solving. Special talents and expertise are required in this area – at a price – but surely it beats having to retrospectively deal with a violent incident where students are injured, property damage, disruption in a schools primary tasks, or worse – and unfortunately violence begets violence. In the case of malicious activity on the internet – students should know where to turn for assistance, what that assistance is, and constantly reinforced and updated. With the addition of new means of interacting risks presented in this arena continue to grow in scope. Again part of it is a question of qualified resources – perhaps amongst the student body itself has ”net nerds” who might be willing to put their knowledge and talents to use in this arena.

Training to raise awareness and to make sure that all know where to turn in times of need should include not just presentations but should put people on both sides of conflict – in being conflict creator as well as victim. It doesn’t have to be graphic or violent and certainly not humiliating or degrading but rather scenarios identified during the conflict environment assessment and/or past history which provide a foundation based on reality at the school – so it isn’t the kind of thing that “it couldn’t happen here”. The point has to be avoidance, prevention, resolution processes and systems.

Dealing with conflict has to provide a safe harbor which includes such considerations as neutrality of third parties, confidentiality of the proceedings, and most importantly support from school administration – agreements reached will be supported within the bounds of policies and procedures. As for peer mediators – they are not all equal in talent, skills, capabilities. Some will be more skilled than others. Their capabilities should be matched to conflict complexities – not just seniority but rather on demonstrated results. All must be shown great appreciation and receive recognition for their contributions.

Schools must also clearly identify and make known what it is they can handle inside their environment and what needs to be deferred to outside resources. Outside resources should include community based mediation centers which are reasonably priced and provide excellent resources. Partnering with a community mediation center should be considered at least to the extent that some peer mediators can observe mediations at the center as means of gaining knowledge.

When it comes to avoiding conflict – monitoring the environment within a school is key. Teachers should be taught to have their antennas up for telltale signs of budding conflict – some are common sense – isolation of a student in a class, derogatory remarks made to a student, unexplained declining performance, and being open to students for social chats, etc. Better to err on the side of caution rather than wait until there’s an incident. Preventing conflict comes from raising awareness about conflict – causes and consequences. Students should know they can refer themselves to mediation or be referred to a discussion about a potential conflict in a confidential manner and with understanding – we’re here to prevent conflict and not just wait until it occurs – punitive actions during these stages should be weighed in terms of benefits/risks/detriment – I would avoid them if possible.

Conflict resolution – well there are models for peer mediation – at community mediation centers and there are mediators who dedicate at least part of their effort towards this area. Some are probably involved in a schools or across schools peer mediation programs.

So why should students be willing to dedicate themselves towards becoming actively engaged in peer mediation? It would be ideal if they receive academic credit for their involvement within some existing curriculum – health – social studies. On top of that if they know there is a progression in their capabilities in dealing with conflict, conduct of negotiations, by having different levels of expertise established within a school this might be an incentive to their sticking with the program – because their growth is acknowledged and recognized. Some might be interested in preparing training programs, conducting the training, observance of mediations conducted at a community mediation center. And of course there are those who participate under a conviction they become better citizens – self satisfaction from participation in peer mediation. As adults we tend to underestimate the capabilities and what teenagers want – we base our assessments on our own models of behavior – teens gripes about it being too hard – some years will be lean while others – too many to handle. Efforts to avoid, prevent, resolve teen conflict in schools have to be sustained – so teachers, parents, guardians, volunteers, and yes – money has to be allocated and spent – but what price do you put on a teenager who does injury to themselves or others because of unresolved conflict? If they are my son or daughter they are priceless and I’m sure that the same is true for you as a caring parent or guardian!