Violence, prevention, avoidance, and resolution
Whether in our homes, schools, communities, or workplaces violence is a very serious problem. Worst case is ignoring it or pretending it is a one time occurrence without considering third party intercession.
There is an aggressor and a victim and sometimes but not always an instigator. When it occurs we have to be careful we don’t further victimize the victim. That may seem totally logical and even counter-intuitive, why would anyone do that? One reason encountered is the victim blames themselves. Another is that in our process on resolving conflict we may focus on the aggressor as the key to resolution. For some reason we may be driven to understand why the aggressor committed the violence. In doing so we may give an aggressor an opportunity to claim provocation and the victim may begin to shift responsibility to themselves. Not being a psychologist I can only offer observations and my own experience in dealing with these cases.
A few steps to guard against creating an imbalance or worse is to:
· Use terminology which clearly identifies the role each played in the violence. In most cases P1 you were the aggressor, P2 you are the victim.
· Give each equal time for input.
· Be careful in dealing with issues of blame. In my private practice I spend some separate time with each party in order to gauge what they will bring to a joint session.
· Look for ways to create a dialogue between the parties by for example getting enough background to understand the environment within which the parties have interacted. Doing that often results in the parties engaging in dialogue.
· Be careful and cognizant of emotions at play in these situations, the body language, gestures, etc. Intercede when and as necessary.
· Summarize, reframe, reflect often as the other side may only hear when a third party says it.
· Allow sufficient time for breaks and take them when progress stalls or starts getting counterproductive.
· Don’t lose heart. In many cases resolution is possible but the parties have not yet figured it out.
· Search for background, context, other factors behind an episode of violence. There may be one or more issues there. For example in a workplace context look for problems at home.
These cases are difficult. Keep in mind that in the best interest of the parties it is not just resolving past violence but in coming up with steps to prevent and avoid future conflict which results in violence.
