Conflict as a Lose – Lose Proposition - Referrals

In my book “Can We Talk? No?” the front cover shows my dog with her head in the sand on one of our prettiest beaches on Oahu. The intent of having her head locked in the sand is to demonstrate what happens when someone is stuck in a position, in our mediation cases in negotiation deadlock or impasse. She’s searching for a land crab while I may wish to go home for business reasons and because it is her feeding time.  In a win-win situation I can get home on time and she gets fed. In a lose-lose I can lose an important business transaction and she may not be able to find the crab and still be hungry. How does this translate to a business to business relationship?

Take any kind of word of mouth networking group with an objective to link people together by giving and receiving referrals. In referrals there are at least three people involved:

·         Giver who makes the referral

·         Subject who is the client who utilizes the product or service provided

·         Receiver who gets the referral

A referral goes wrong. The giver is in trouble with the subject of the referral, a client who now says they are severing the client relationship. What should each do? What’s a network group to do? A win – win is a qualified referral satisfied with the job or service provided. A lose – lose is a client who is the subject of the referral so unhappy they vent on the person who made the referral and that person breaking of any further referrals to the receiver - person providing the service - and complains to the network group. The receiver who is now the focus of the complaint is dismissed from the network group. It gets worse. The further lose – lose is the giver of the referral making it known they will never again provide another referral to the receiver and quits the network group because they feel that having been burned once, the risk is too great.

So far the giver has lost. The subject has lost because they are unsatisfied with the service or product provided. The receiver of the referral loses because she will never get another referral from the giver and loses their membership in the network group. The network loses because it is out at least two members and perhaps its reputation suffers because the unhappy people all complain about their experience with a network based referral group.

Sound bad? You bet it does. First try and explain the above in a simpler and more concise way.

Is there a way to simplify? Let’s provide some thoughts followed by probing questions and see what you think.

First of all, almost everyone agrees business referrals are one of the most productive ways to generate business but it is not the safest.  So, the longer you are in a referral network group the more likely it is someone will not be satisfied with the work or service you provide. Likewise as a giver of referrals you’re going to hear about a referral you made gone bad and your reputation is at stake. And, the longer a network group exists the more instances of a referral going bad it can expect to encounter.

Therefore, as an individual engaged in word of mouth referrals you better be prepared for the moment, rare as it may be, you will face the lose-lose scenario outlined above. Have you thought about this?

·         If the referral you gave went bad do you have a response to a client complaint about the referral you made? Do you have an apology ready for delivery to safeguard your relationship with your client?

·         As the receiver and provider of a product or service based on a referral are you prepared not only to answer a complaint to a dissatisfied subject but also to the giver and the network group.

·         As a network organization have you considered how you are going to handle these situations in a way that is fair and just to all concerned and, do I dare say, shows the requisite diligence in hearing all sides?

Thanks for reading this long winded essay which provides few answers. Maybe, in a future blog entry we’ll start developing an approach for the various parties in this process. Certainly we’ll talk about it in the context of avoiding, preventing, and resolving conflict.

In the meantime remember referrals are one of the most effective business growth tools for those who take the time to give and are patient and persistent enough to receive. First of all you have to be highly professional, ethical, and consistently effective in what you offer.  Be careful and don’t expand your claims beyond what you can deliver at the highest standards of the service or product you are offering.