Putting it off

There’s something in us about putting off dealing with conflict until the issuue becomes a dispute and before we turn to a third party for help. We’ll sooner turn to an advocate for our position in the often mistaken belief this is the right approach. In many cases it is wrong. Why do we exhibit this behavior? Is it fatigue, emotion, the way we’re educated to behave, we don’t know another way? Can’t we do more to avoid or prevent conflict? Do we wait too long believing such things as the conflict will resolve itself?

Take the case of neighbors. Most of us have neighbors. Are there issues? I bet in many cases there are issues if not conflict or disputes. Take the work place. Do we get along with everybody we know? We know there are people in the workplace who are in conflict or dispute. Conflict appears to be a human condition in everything we do together.

We can avoid conflict by avoiding those who we are in conflict with? Sometimes this works. We can prevent conflict in many ways including coming to an understanding with those with whom we have a relationship on a process involving a third party and whether we want the third party to facilitate, mediate, or arbitrate. But most of us, and that includes organizations, inadequately plan for such circumstances.

A problem with not having a plan is the hesitation which takes place when conflict arises and goes unresolved. During the hesitation the issue being faced grows, communications are affected, emotions rise, and now we’re going to ask our opponent to agree to a third party intercession? There’s a window of opportunity for situations like this. Timing is very important. Too often people in relationship now opponents let it pass.

So, by the time the opponents bring in a third party there is a heightened adversarial relationship and like a cancer, what may have started as one issue may have figuratively metastasized into many issues. Just as I’m learning in doing videos on peaceful means for resolving conflict that one hour of pre-production planning saves not only many hours of editing but significantly reduces the probability of a failed video the same should be said of pre-planning to deal with conflict when establishing a relationship be it interpersonal, business to business, or business with client. With that long sentence I’ll end this entry.