Close out unresolved conflicts
Recently we aired a program on Hawaii Community TV about a teen conflict. One of the interesting aspects of the case is that a request for voluntary mediation occurred one year after one of the teens struck another. The objective of the mediation was to prevent a recurrence. When I wrote the script I wondered whether it would be possible for a conflict to fester for that long. Then I played in a play-off game in the master’s soccer league and I got into a skirmish with a player on the other side and it was left unresolved after the game. You know what, I was already planning how am I going to finish this thing in next seasons game. The feelings surprised me. It dawned on me - this is the kind of thing that we experienced with the teen conflict scenario. In my case the end of the game should have ended it and in reality it probably did but the feelings after the game were strong. Now just imagine if my teammates egged me on and into the next game they said remember how that guy treated you in the last game! How would I respond? How would I act? How about the other guy and his feelings? Think about it, how often does this kind of situation come up and how many situations are there which can lead to a future conflict if left unresolved? In my situation at the end of the game we have a tradition of walking down the line and exchanging “well done” with the other team. Part of the reason is probably to bring things to closure so as not to carry over bad feelings into the future. Maybe we did that and it’s just the adrenaline which keeps the emotions high. It is at least a chance for closure. Perhaps we need to look for opportunities for closure, explore them, act on them, and consider how we can move on without festering conflicts. Sometimes we need a third party to intercede. Always, we need to make sure that we carefully consider how to control those who are interested in inciting from succeeding. Peace during this holiday season.
