Best Interest of a Child - Communications between divorcing parents
Best Interest of a separating couples Child is often dependent on their ability to focus on the child in the parents communicaitions. In a divorce or separation do children suffer the most? In the mediations I conduct I can, and do probe and ask about how the children are doing.
What business is it of mine? Well the answers they provide are more important to the parents than to me. It’s a way to focus the parents, who are often in a “marital war”, on the child or children. A risk in creating the child as a focal point is that a parent may use what they say as a weapon against their former spouse. It is a sensitive area. But I have to deal with those challenges as any other issue in a conflict. Another intent is to see what the similarities and differences are in their view about a child. Often there are differences in views – how well a child is doing in school – their sociability – special needs – parents views on religion, sports – who they get along with and who a parent feels is causing them problems – if there’s a significant other, then how does the other parent perceive that person – how parents feel the other is getting along with the child, time spent, presence, behavior, communications, etc.
Communications between separating parents can often be characterized as adversarial. Many times other aspects of the “marital wars” come into play – stories about infidelity, drinking, smoking, friends who the other parents feel are unsavory, lack of trust, anger, thirst for revenge, again etc.
Bringing and keeping the parents focus on a child and their welfare is a goal that I strive for in every mediation. I put special emphasis on communications because if the communications start and continue to be dysfunctional even comprehensive agreements fall apart.
That is why providing clarity to communications between the parents about the child, in my opinion, is such an important mediation objective. I find my
