Dramatic disclosures do occur in mediation and swing the pendulum towards resolution. A mothers plea “you’re not going to take my child away from me” in a divorce case is one such statement which has worked. Another is the drama behind a disclosure by a parent of their child’s fragility in a teen conflict is another example. Most often there are only very subtle or no disclosures which occur in mediation and it is mostly a matter of negotiation which drives issues towards resolution. In any case mediators have to constantly have their antennas up and tuned to a high level of sensitivity as to what is being said because opponents too often don’t hear each other with the same sensitivity. A few examples may be helpful.
In a disability claim where a plaintiff is asking for a lot of money because of a failure by a teaching institution to accommodate for learning disabilities, is it about the money? In an episode we are preparing for Hawaii’s community television the script called for the vignette ending with an offer for compensation a lot less than being asked for. Yet our actor, who is in fact a mediator, picked up that what was more important in this case, even though just an act, was to restore the self esteem of the student. His improvised offer was geared to doing just that and it worked. The actor playing the role of a mother reacted with surprise and delight at this offer. One of our other actors, who played mediator wondered whether the money offered was insufficient. So had he played the role of a parent the same approach probably would not have worked. And so it is many cases. Not that mediators are always right and don’t turn their perceptions into conflict themselves. But the message is, reading people is a key component of a negotiation and mediators can play a key role in grasping what needs a party has to move a case to resolution. How and whether a mediator communicates or uses this information is part of the successful practice of mediation.
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