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Mediate with LH, LLC
Ground rules in Mediation
Every competition, even mixed martial arts, have ground rules. In mediation one cannot overstate the need for civility and respect as the cornerstone for making progress towards agreement and resolution. That’s why you’ll see multiple entries in this blog on this subject and I’ll address the subject more fully on my blog at http://preventavoidresolveconflict.blogspot.com/ . Why are ground rules so important?
People coming into mediation are in conflict, emotions are running high, trust may be damaged or nonexistent. Direct negotiations are failing. What are they in conflict about? Their behavior in a relationship is being impacted because disagreements have grown into conflict or into dispute. The relationship is in jeopardy. They have called in third party intercession in the form of a mediator who has no power except over a process tailored to meet the needs of the individuals involved. Even there may be aspects of the process selected which does not fit the individuals involved. The last thing that clients and mediator need are a breakdown in process and focus on issues and needs overwhelmed by emotions, abusive language, verbal attacks, chaos.
So, ground rules serve as a basis around which party and mediator interaction are guided to stay focused on issues rather opposing parties on each other. Ground rules can also provide a critical element of safety for the participants. They also provide a framework for the dialogue which is to take place. What are some examples of ground rules?
Do not interrupt each other. You’ve probably already done that even before you engaged a mediator. What makes a person think it is any better with a third party present. It hurts listening to what the other is saying. It hurts the ability of the speaker to complete a thought process which may contain critical information which just does not get conveyed. It is disrespectful and may inflame the emotions of the other party and lead to a breakdown of communications.
Don’t attack each other. Problem solving is difficult to do if either or both parties are in an attack mode. The other party may reciprocate, become defensive, or just shut down. It leads to a conclusion that the problem is the other party which often times it is not.
If you need a separate meeting with the mediator ask for it. Joint sessions can and do get very difficult. A party may need a sounding board. The mediator just doesn’t get it because critical information is missing but a party does not want it disclosed to the other side. There are a variety of reasons why separate sessions or “caucuses” are extremely useful. Likewise a mediator may ask for a separate session with a party or both sides separately for the similar reasons.
Ground rules play a critical role in mediation and parties are well advised to understand ground rules and to discipline themselves to adhere to them. It’s not like a court room where a judge does have authority a mediator does not possess. Ground rules are meant to ground mediation in collaboration and problem solving. In such an environment chaos due to lack of civility and respect for each other often create insurmountable obstacles.
